As I’ve gotten older, I hold my emotions and feelings closer to the vest. This may come as a surprise to people who know me to be quite active on social media with both my personal and professional blogs. But I realized lately during conversations with friends and clients that the vest had somehow become armor. That armor helped protect me from feeling vulnerable, but it has also kept me from allowing happiness to fully manifest. I could feel the heaviness of it in my heart space.
Our minds like to tell ourselves false stories. Mine was a constant, furtive whisper: I am fundamentally incapable of being happy.
And yet, there is much goodness to be had. My husband and I are both self-employed with very flexible schedules. We can both participate more fully in our daily life together. We usually go together to pick up our daughter and her friend from school. We often have the time to linger over breakfast, drinking coffee, tracking the incremental change of seasons, and talking about everything under the sun. I have yet to find anyone I enjoy talking to in depth more than my husband, so this is special.
After hitting a cranky, irritable low – and self-treating with, plus receiving Reiki healing – it suddenly occurred to me that I have simply been afraid. Afraid to allow myself to be happy. Afraid of the other shoe to drop. Afraid of losing the goodness already present in my life.
I am finally able to live a more intentional life in line with my values. I have a wellness business and practice I love. I get to spend real quality time with my husband and children. And, I’ve been wanting to write a book. Now I have the extra time and flexibility in my schedule to do it. Do you realize how amazing and awesome that is?
So, I am recommitting to happiness, allowing myself to truly appreciate and shift my focus toward the state of what is, instead of agonizing over the what ifs.
I would like to share a quote from an interview with life coach and spiritual teacher Robert Mack, a friend (and former colleague – we both worked at the same company) and author of the book Happiness from the Inside Out, who knows a thing or two about the subject:
“…real, authentic, lasting happiness can come from only one source: you. It comes from the thoughts you think and the actions you take. Happiness is less a set of circumstances that surround you than a set of conditions that exist within you. And those conditions, to a large extent, are self-generated and self-facilitated.”
For Christmas, I’m giving me some happiness. It’s the gift that never stops giving back.
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