This morning, I enjoyed the opportunity to indulge in Reiki self-treatment while still curled up under the covers before leaving the house for client sessions. I felt clear, energetic, and playful all morning, qualities that have stayed with me throughout the day.
This is significant, considering that my husband and I have been cleaning up the basement – a major undertaking, given that it looks like something out of “Sanford & Son” (Yes, I am that old. ) 🙂
Many mementos from past lives – relationships, occupations, interests – are getting dredged up. I opened up a storage box today containing journals written from the 2000-2005 time periods. Flipping through most of them made me feel all squirmy inside. (Lesson learned: if 75% of the content of your journals involve intense dissection of your current relationship and you’re not still in high school, you might be expending a lot of energy going nowhere.)
Although it was uncomfortable, I realized I didn’t feel the same irritation and anger I used to feel reading through those entries. Nor did my inner bully taunt me with, “Why’d you put up with that for so long? What’s wrong with you?” I was able to hold in the space of that moment the understanding that people generally love and act on their needs and emotions to the best of their ability, and rarely is it anything ever really about you.
While digging and sorting, I came across all sorts of writing – college essays on topics as varied as Middle English literature, critical theory on contemporary art, as well as forays into Confucianism and Zen. There were clippings of music reviews for my first college newspaper (I attended CUNY Queens College in the late ‘80s) and copies of journals, chapbooks and newspapers (anyone in Atlanta still remember “Poets, Artists & Madmen”?) where my poems were published. I wonder if my little blog will survive even half as long.
It was with some relief to finally bag most of the memories up and put them in the trash pile. I’ve held onto all of this stuff for years because I couldn’t stand to sit long enough with my emotions to go through them and make decisions. I was able to do so today without flinching too much (well, except maybe for some of the music reviews.)
It feels very freeing to let go and even smile a bit in the process. Tonight, I may light some Tibetan incense I have and allow it to cleanse the space, with gratitude and more lightness in my heart.
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